Is lying to protect people's feelings good?

This question has been long pondered by humanity. Many people have had a very hard time trying to decide if they are going to lie or not. Many common examples is when you watch a friend's awful play and the ask you how it is or they ask you how an outfit looks on them. This can be very troubling to many people, because they don't want to hurt their friends feelings nor do they want to lie to them. I believe the best way to do it is be honest, but not cruel. That means you should not flat out lie to them and say "oh the play was wonderful. I would totally come to see it again" or "oh my god you look so awful in that outfit. You look like a blind person picked out you outfit."  What I believe you should do is do something commonly referred to a the complement sandwich. The best way to do this is to start of by saying something you like about said play or outfit like "I really liked this one scene. I found it really funny." or "I really like the style of the top.". This first compliment allows the person to understand that you mean the best to them, because you are also kind to them. The second part of the sandwich is the criticism. This is the critical standpoint were you can tell you friend what you really though of it, such as "The play didn't seem to have much of a plot to it" or "the top is really just unflattering on you though."  This part allows your friend to understand  what you really think of what they are asking about. The last part of this sandwich is the suggested way to fix it. This means that you should suggest a way to fix the problem, such as saying "you should add in a line to clarify what is going on" or "you should get the top in the next size up because it would fit you better."  This method of giving people criticism allows you to state what you really feel with out your friends feelings getting hurt. Don't feel obligated to lie though.

What is Good Competition?

The ways viewing competition have gone drastically in two directions. The first direction is where the competition means everything to them and if they don't win it they act like the are going to die.  Competing with these people is no fun, because it takes the enjoyment out of the actual competition.  The people who view these competitions this way are normally very cruel to you in the competition and you don't want to be around them because of it.  Also, the people who are this way tend to also act very snooty to others when they don't do as well in the competition or when they mess up.  There is no reason to be snooty and or  cruel to anyone over a competition even if it is your life long passion.  It's just very bad sportsmanship, because the people who are competing in it are most likely just doing it for fun.  The other direction people tend to go in when they view competitions is that it's only for fun and it doesn't really matter.  These people are also no fun to compete against, because they don't try their hardest and they tend to be really passive.  Most people like some competition and if they are competing against or with people who don't care and don't try their hardest they don't have any fun, because when and if they win they want to know they won because they were the best at it and not just the person who didn't care about it.  The people who view competition in either of these ways really don't get the point of competition.  Competition is a fun way to test and compare your abilities against other people and at the same time learning from what they know.  Competition is not a way to prove you are better then anyone else nor is it something that just doesn't matter.  The best way to have fun in a competition is when people view it in a way that says that they care about what they are competing in, but don't think that if they win they will somehow be better then anyone else.  Competitions really need more of these people instead of the other two, so the next time you go to a competition try to be the person who sees what competition is really about.

Gossiping and Talking About Another; What is the Difference?

Even though we are told starting from when we are very young not to gossip, and talking about people behind their backs is bad, we all seem to do it anyways. To all of you people who say that they don't talk about other people, I am sorry to break it to you, but you are just lying.  That could either to be just to yourself to make yourself feel like you are a better person or that could be to someone else to get others to believe you are a better person.  Most likely though, it is actually both of these things. The reason why people talk about others is because they are curious on the information about another person, so you talk about that information with another person.  Even if you are talking bad (or good) about someone, you still are just talking about the information on them.  However, considering no one likes to be talked bad about, modern society has deemed talking about people bad.  Even though everyone says their moral compass points the right way, why is it that where ever I turn I always hear people talking about others? The reason is because despite that what we say about gossiping being bad, our curiosity wins us over and we talk about others with another person to fulfill that desire for the knowledge.  So before you go out again and talk about why talking about other people is bad, remember why they do it and remember that you do it to.  However, I am not saying gossiping is not bad.  Gossiping still does exist and should try to be eliminated as a common thing in our society.  Many people however tend to get gossiping and just talking about another person confused. The best way to eliminate the confusion is to define the two things. When you are just talking bad about someone just to talk bad about someone, this is gossip and you should not be doing it.  If you are talking about another person and you are honestly taking into consideration that the information may not be true, this is not gossip and you should be worried about doing this with another person.

Assuming? Why Do It?

There is a saying that many people use, but never truly understand what it means.  That saying is "You know what happens when we assume.  It makes an ASS out of U and ME."  I have heard this quote from so many people and they are normally very hypocritical with it.  Everyone assumes things.  Most of the time they are right, too.  Students assume they will get an F if they don't do their homework and drivers assume that other drivers will stay on their side of the road.  Although these may not always be the case, they normally are.  Assuming things only truly gets bad when you assume that someone shares the exact same beliefs that you do.  This could be as simple as assuming that your partner on a history is supposed to do something when they believe that you are supposed to do it, or all the way to someone sharing the same feelings about a person you do or don't like.  People always feel obligated to go along with the group's opinion.  This doesn't mean they do, but they always feel obligated to.  Sometimes people will speak out against the group, when they do not share the same opinion. I applaud those people.  That is the confidence and strength the world needs more of.  However, the majority of the time people will not speak out against the group's opinion.  They normally want to avoid any drama, so they just follow the group's opinion, that way they don't feel singled out.  I feel sorry for anyone who doesn't have the courage to state that they don't feel the same way as someone else.  The main problem though is not necessarily the person who doesn't speak out.  Although that would solve many misunderstandings and conflicts in the first place, sometimes the most problematic person can be the person that just assumes those people share the same beliefs as them.  This normally leads to that person putting words in the other persons mouth and person who doesn't agree could feel horrible because they are being portrayed in a way that they don't believe.  Groups always have an opinion.  Normally that opinion is truly only believed by about a half of the group, but its the half that voices their opinion more.  Assuming the other half shares the same opinion is just wrong though.  If you are the person who is just going along with the groups opinion,  stand up and fight for your beliefs and don't be the one who is feeling regret because you didn't.  If you are the person who is assuming other people share the same beliefs as you, congratulations I am very glad that you are able to see the fact that you do it. More likely if you can see it, it is not a crisis point, however that doesn't go with out saying, you still need to not assume that other people share the same opinion as you.  If you didn't put yourself under either of these categories, you are more likely apart of the group that just assumes other people share their beliefs. I know I'm in this group.  I never go along with something I don't believe, but I know this means that I am probably the person who just assumes others share the same beliefs.  I have tried to recognize it and work on it when I can, and If you were put in the same category you need to do the same.  Start with just trying to see when you assume things and then change it when you feel like it is needed or when other people think it is needed.  The quote i had mentioned before rings truth, but it is only until you realize that you need to work on not assuming things, do things actually start to get better.

Passive-aggressive. One of the World's Dumbest Ways of Dealing with Problems.

People really need to learn to grow up. When you have a problem with someone, do the mature thing and tell them to there face in a calm and mature way. However, the worst thing you can possibly do when you have a problem with someone is be passive-aggressive about it. Specifically this means acting like you have no problems with this person to there face maybe even pretending like you guys are friends, and then thinking "oh (insert name here) will get the hint" if they ditch them or ignore them or create a fake Facebook of them. When ever someone does this, all it does is prove that persons immaturity. Its a cruel thing to do to a person to leave them wondering what went wrong. It is better and the mature thing to do when you tell them why you have a problem with them to there face. That way, if they can, they have the chance to change themselves to see if things get better before they get out of hand. When people act passive-aggressive, it show that they don't have the confidence to talk to someone about their feeling to their face. If you are on the receiving end of this, where you are the person being the victim of passive-aggressive action, I sympathize for you. What I can tell you is, if a person is not willing to talk to you to deal with their problems, they are not worth worrying about. All those people are doing is encouraging one of the worlds biggest problem. People not wanting to deal with their problems and just letting it blow over. When that happens things just build and build until it gets out of hand and then they have to deal with it. This common circumstance normally turns into a screaming match with the two sides.

Popular People or Self Conscious Freaks?

People talk a big game, but they are hypocritical, especially schools. They spend countless hours and money on rallies trying to teach students to have confidence, how not to care if you only have a few friends or a lot, and mostly that popularity doesn't matter. Yet every year, schools allow students to vote for a homecoming/prom king and queen. Many people make a big deal out of being crowned king and queen, but the only way possible to be voted king or queen is to be popular. The school also allows, every year in the yearbook, students to vote for "best eyes," "best dressed," or "most likely to succeed," which are also solely based off of popularity as well. If the school really wanted to encourage the lesson that popularity doesn't matter, they would get rid of these popularity contests. Also, don't go thinking that I am only critical of these things because I am jealous of the people voted this, because I was nominated for it. However, I didn't want it because it promotes elitism. It's sick how the people need to win these popularity contests to make them feel good about themselves. Later, in life, no one care that you were voted prom king or homecoming queen. The likely hood that you will become successful because you were most popular in high school or college is non-existent. The majority of people who become successful were not all that popular in school. Popularity truly doesn't matter. So why does society put so much pressure on it? Answer is that they are self conscious, so they need these popularity contests to prove to themselves that they are worth something. Also, people always complain on how difficult it is to be popular, but what they forget to mention is that they wanted that popularity in the first place, but clearly they don't want to pay the price for what it takes to be "popular." Their difficulties include always feeling self conscious about what others think of them, which makes them feel horrible because that is why they wanted to be "popular" in the first place. They wanted to get rid of that self conscious feeling. True popularity isn't something you should need to be working to keep. It should just come and you should not make you feel any different than if you weren't popular, because popularity doesn't matter. It doesn't change anything. You can pretty easily spot out the difference between those who work towards popularity and those it just comes to. The people that work for it are always emotional and cruel, but those who it just comes to doesn't even see themselves as popular, because it doesn't matter to them. So why should it to you? No one else who is worth getting to know won't judge you on being popular, because it doesn't matter to them. Technically speaking, popularity doesn't even exist. It is an image created in the mind. So even as I mentioned before those people who are popular with out trying aren't really popular either, because it doesn't exist. All it really is people liking that person because they are nice. If people gave up the "popular" image, the world would be much better off, because popularity doesn't exist, but has to much society pressure on it. If the image was gone, no one would base their self worth on that anymore, and people would be generally happier.

Who Cares if You're Not The Best?

Okay. I can agree that sometimes saying that people are better than others is a good thing.  We have to vote for the best person to be president or how companies get the best people to run the company.  However, the person who does not get voted that position should not be considered any worse than the person who did.  The sad thing is they always are.  I constantly hear people talking about how horrible the other person would have been in office.  It really needs to stop.  Never judge any one because they didn’t get the position they wanted.  Whether it’s being head cheerleader, or captain of the soccer team, or all the way to being president of the U.S.  No one should ever demean someone else because they were not considered the best.  That is the huge problem with A-Listers. They always do.  But who cares if you are not considered the best?  If you do, you shouldn't. 

Problem with Elitists

The problem with elitists is that they are everywhere nowadays.  In the movies, you only view them as in those "popular groups." But the truth is they aren't.  They are everywhere.  Whether it's the popular chick, who thinks she is the center of the universe, or the guy, who thinks he;s so smart and tries to prove everyone wrong in class, or the person that you have never bothered to learn the name of because they think they are worse then everyone else. Those are all elitists.  They are the people who create a class system, either by thinking everyone is worse then them or by thinking everyone is better then them.  The world is in ruin because of it, and it needs to be fixed.